After spending all night writing 6 of the 10 paragraphs for my Spanish class I woke up at 5:30am in order to write the rest. I figured I could write all of them before I had to go to work at 7. Boy was I wrong. I only wrote one more paragraph and had to rush to work.
I work at a dog daycare. It's great, as long as I remember to wear ear plugs. I love most of the dogs that stay there. They all have such cute personalities and have their own ways of catching your attention. Obviously working at a place where I have to watch 20 or more dogs at a time means I can't work on my school work while at work. I use my break time for that, when I run to the closest place that has Wifi so I can look up Spanish words when I need to. My 30 minutes is used up on one paragraph. I'm honestly confused at how long it takes me to write a paragraph in Spanish. I don't see how I'll be able to finish when I only have an hour between when I get out of work and when my class actually starts. When 12 comes around, my co-worker isn't back from break and my relief hasn't arrived yet. My arms have started to go numb from anxiety. Today of all days is the worst one for me to be forced to stay late at work. My coworker shows up and I zoom out of there to get stopped by my manager. "You should really stay until he arrives. We need two people back there." But I really can't. I promise any other day I would but today is not a good one. I get a disappointed look but am able to go home.
When I get home I quickly open my laptop and begin on the next paragraph. That takes me another 30 minutes to write. No, I am definitely not going to finish my work before class. I manage to finish the 9th paragraph and hit the save button. Maybe I can write the 10th paragraph while Fernando is driving me to school. Well I could have but my computer didn't save my work. My 9th paragraph had disappeared. Why! Why is this happening? What do I do? I can't write these sentences without an English to Spanish dictionary. My boyfriend helped me some while on the way to school but there was only so much he could do. And I still needed to spell check and organize the paper. Sigh.
By the time I printed out my paper it was 30 minutes into the class. I find it incredibly disrespectful when people show up extremely late to class so I just couldn't do that. I was freaking out. I know by showing up after the class has ended it'll look like I just don't care. I wanted to cry. As I headed to the classroom I realize I'm looking in the wrong building and I run into my friend! She's a professor at the school but I had never actually seen her there! If only I wasn't so frazzled.We talk for a minute to catch up then I run off to find the classroom.
As I run up the stairs my heart started pounding and my chest started to tighten. I was on the verge of a panic attack. As I walked towards the classroom, I couldn't breathe. I was afraid I was about to pass out. I ran into the room and saw my professor. "I'm so sorry I didn't make it to class. When I went to print out my paper, the last two paragraphs were missing so I had to rewrite them." I said while practically hyperventilating.
"It's ok. I understand. Just email it to me once you've finished the paper."
"Oh, I'm done. I rewrote it. I'm so sorry."
It's here? Ok thank! And relax." He told me as he patted my shoulder "Everything is going to be alright."
"Thank you!" And I ran out. Almost on the verge of tears. How weird that my professor's comforting words made me more emotional. But I have learned that I need to structure my time better and to stop worrying about things to the point of panic attacks.
I love my professors. They're all so passionate about their profession and about teaching. I've been so lucky to have these great professors.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Burned out
This is how I feel every day. I mean to be a great student who studies and comes to class prepared. But then it never happens. I always mean to research my papers in advanced but I never get around to it. My professors are great. I couldn't ask for better teachers. They are so passionate about what they do and I love that about them. If only I could get over being burned out and show that I too am that passionate about Anthropology.
Currently I am procrastionating and writing this post when I should be writing my paper for a Spanish class. Or the paper for the Senior Seminar that was actually due today. Or working on the ethnography project for the Gender Race and Class in Society class. Or the research paper for my Bioanthropology class. Or the presentation I will be delivering for the Death Symposium in December. Instead I find even the wall to be more interesting than what I need to do.
This isn't because I am uninterested in these subjects. No, I love what I am learning and can't wait to learn more! I can't wait to go back into the field and research more. Or even the lab. It's tedious work but I enjoy every second of it. The hours fly by. I don't even realize it until someone stops me for lunch or even to end the day. Instead I have been working my brain on overdrive for about 3 years now. Never taking less then 15 credit hours a semester and working part time on top of that.
It will be weird once this is all over and I no longer have to juggle school, work, and my (nonexisting) social life. What will I do with all that extra time? I'm sure it won't be long before I try my luck at graduate school. But first I hope to work for Teach for America. It would be amazing to help other children with little oprotunity to leave the life of poverty and give them hope and a chance to change their lives. I can give them something that could profoundly help them in the future: a second language. And not just any second language, but Mandarin Chinese. How amazing would it be to give these children the chance to learn a language like this? I hope I am given that chance. But first I have to apply and panic everyday I don't hear from Teach for America.
On the other hand, I also want to find a way to help undocumented immigrants in the USA. I know the immigration laws of the US are broken and need to be revised. It needs to be revised to give all immigrants the opprotunities to live comfortably in the US. To be given a chance here. No one should be discriminated against soley based on their ethnicity. But unfortunatly this happens in the immigration laws of the US. Anyway, if there was a way I could help protect the rights of all immigrants and make the immigration laws fair, I would.
Currently I am procrastionating and writing this post when I should be writing my paper for a Spanish class. Or the paper for the Senior Seminar that was actually due today. Or working on the ethnography project for the Gender Race and Class in Society class. Or the research paper for my Bioanthropology class. Or the presentation I will be delivering for the Death Symposium in December. Instead I find even the wall to be more interesting than what I need to do.
This isn't because I am uninterested in these subjects. No, I love what I am learning and can't wait to learn more! I can't wait to go back into the field and research more. Or even the lab. It's tedious work but I enjoy every second of it. The hours fly by. I don't even realize it until someone stops me for lunch or even to end the day. Instead I have been working my brain on overdrive for about 3 years now. Never taking less then 15 credit hours a semester and working part time on top of that.
It will be weird once this is all over and I no longer have to juggle school, work, and my (nonexisting) social life. What will I do with all that extra time? I'm sure it won't be long before I try my luck at graduate school. But first I hope to work for Teach for America. It would be amazing to help other children with little oprotunity to leave the life of poverty and give them hope and a chance to change their lives. I can give them something that could profoundly help them in the future: a second language. And not just any second language, but Mandarin Chinese. How amazing would it be to give these children the chance to learn a language like this? I hope I am given that chance. But first I have to apply and panic everyday I don't hear from Teach for America.
On the other hand, I also want to find a way to help undocumented immigrants in the USA. I know the immigration laws of the US are broken and need to be revised. It needs to be revised to give all immigrants the opprotunities to live comfortably in the US. To be given a chance here. No one should be discriminated against soley based on their ethnicity. But unfortunatly this happens in the immigration laws of the US. Anyway, if there was a way I could help protect the rights of all immigrants and make the immigration laws fair, I would.
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